Not every religion is lucky enough to have their own cruise ship. In fact, I would venture to say that less than 1% of established religions have their own cruise ships. The notable exception is of course possibly the elusive Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (not really) and Tom Cruise’s personal religion of choice, Scientology. 

Slate has the down low on the latest Scientology cruise as described by a woman who claims she was forced to work on a Scientology cruise ship for no less than twelve years. 

From the outside, the Freewinds Scientology cruise ship looks the same as any other cruise ship; passengers can play shuffleboard, choose food from a variety of on-ship restaurants, and can listen to live bands. (No word on whether or not famed Scientologist Beck has ever performed on any Scientology cruise ships.)

Before you book a ticket on a Scientology cruise ship, you should know that it’s not all fun and games on a Scientology cruise ship. The purpose of the cruises is for spiritual advancement; there are workshops and lectures and roll is taken. The classes aren’t all for fun and games either. Successful students can become an “Operating Thetan Level VIII, the highest degree of spiritual achievement currently available in Scientology.” (Please read THIS for a more comprehensive epxlanation of Ron Hubbard’s version of spirituality and Thetans.) 

The classes on the Freewinds, like many other religious classes, sound slightly bizarre. Some activities include: reading from Alice in Wonderland, eye-gazing into other Scientology church members, and preparing church-members to traverse the difficult waters of dealing with Scientology enemies which include governments and the dreaded press.

In addition, the Freewinds cruises are by invitation only; not just anyone can purchase a ticket and come aboard the cruise ship. Even if the cruises were open to the general public, the cost is seriously prohibitive to most of us. Some of the counseling sessions run up into the thousands of dollars--it’s hard to imagine an insurance company paying for a thirty thousand dollar counseling session from weird spiritual guru on a cruise ship--and the cost for each cruise berth is around $1,000 per week. 

Of course, if you are interested in mingling with the rich, famous, and spiritually enlightened likes of Penelope Cruz or John Travolta, a trip on the Freewinds could well be worth it. Who knows? Brushing shoulders with any one of the Thetans could result in some sort of spiritual enlightenment because Thetans are immortal in theory.